The Girls' Bicycle Handbook.

An exciting package appeared in my letterbox this week. Actually, two exciting packages appeared and they were all BOOKS.
"But this blog is not about books! It's about bicycles and fat bottoms of the unappealing, Mom-jeans kind," you interject. Because you like to cut me deep.

But! (Butt?) One book was about both Bicycles and tangentially, Fat Bottoms. I received a copy because my Fat Bottom is IN IT and 'IT' is a lovely slice of publishing entitled The Girls' Bicycle Handbook by Caz Nicklin of London Cycle Chic.

Here it is nestled in some ivy because lord knows we can't look
at anything now unless it's Instagrammed within an inch of reality.

It's subtitled Everything You Need To Know About Life On Two Wheels because it contains exactly that if you are a girl person who rides a bike or would like to get back on her bike without lycra or racing anybody to work. (Although there's a section about that if you want to!)

The Handbook blends bicycles, history, fashion, advice, and stories into a healthful smoothie of informative reading and pleasant pictures. It's like your favourite bicycle blogs in physical format, quite literally as many Lady Bicycle Bloggers of all stripes are to be found within. The virtual, pink-spoked circle has crossed over. But the bulk of the book is a 'How To' garnered from Caz's experience as an everyday cyclist and purveyor of bicycle chic. The focus is firmly on cycling for transportation and incorporating your bicycle into your life without drastically changing your style or identity. I was very pleased to see the section on maintenance as this is something I've wanted to learn more of ever since I became reacquainted with bicycles. It begins with the most basic procedures like how to pump up your tyres and ends with things you can do to spend less time and money at the LBS so even if you know NOTHING, you can start here.

Common Noises and What They Mean is a very useful subsection of this.

The guide is comprehensive enough that if you are yet to acquire the two wheels of the subtitle, there's advice on finding the right bike. If like myself you are already 'rollin' and subsequently doused in a tide of 'hatin', there is still plenty to enjoy with tales from women around the world, women biking with families, women who have gone to the next level for fitness or even… Yes. Here be the rarest of Roadies - The Lady Lycra. Softly calling from the pink-washed finish line, "One of us. One of us!"

The Girls' Bicycle Handbook officially launches on April 3rd, 2014 and is currently available for pre-order here at London Cycle Chic. (Fat Bottom not required.)

More ivy and the other books that arrived this week.
#Poseur

Was a Farmer Had a Bike, B - I - K - E - O?

Farmers markets being a delightful clash of suburban pretension and authentic livestock excrement, they are often excellent places for bike-spotting and the new Cradle Coast market does not look like being an exception. Held every Sunday on the wharf in Ulverstone, this latest edition to the north west Tasmanian market circuit is primed for bicycling shoppers as it's right next to the Leven River shared path. Sadly it's not accessible by bicycle to me but my own town also has a Farmers and lately I've seen a few people loading up bicycles as they circle the grounds, using them as shopping trolleys. I hope to join them one day when we live in a house where you could physically get a grocery loaded bicycle up the driveway. As it stands, getting an unloaded steel bicycle up to the door of our current residence is achievement in itself. I'd need to install a pulley to get it to the door with 10kg of potatoes and a few more of jam and cakes strapped to the back! In the meantime I've started 'collecting' the bicycles I see at markets. The variety I've seen so far (but not yet photographed as I only photograph unattended bikes) shows that there are many types of people adopting a bicycle/Farmers Market routine. Isn't that a happy thought?

The Recumbent/Trailer Combo, Burnie market.

The Affordable Vintage Revival, Ulverstone market.

Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Baaaaad.

Yes, that was a completely recontextualised Animal Farm reference. Blame George Orwell. While we're blaming George Orwell, Australian politics is growing ever more excellent/ridiculous regards the transport debate. After we managed to accidentally elect a member of the Motoring Enthusiasts Party and a bicycle infrastructure hating MAMIL at the last federal skirmish it was only a matter of time before this happened:

Note the terrible stock-photo entirely failing to illustrate the issue.
But hey! THE BEACH!

Thanks for mentioning terrorism straight up, dude. I'm not sure even an obviously facetious reference to being a terrorist is entirely helpful to Australian perception of cyclists but whatever gets the click-through, AMIRITE?! Just kidding, this article does actually address the important issue of Car Vs Everyone Else culture in Australia. Namely the bizarre campaign by some newspapers and current affairs programmes to encourage enmity between people behind the wheel and people on pedals. Enmity resulting in serious injury or death. Can you imagine if you picked up a newspaper and read an article encouraging you to fight anyone you see waiting for a train? Or an article claiming that people who walk think they're better than you? Yet this is the kind of rhetoric lately published in a sustained effort to - what, exactly? Dismantle bicycle infrastructure? Spill blood on the suburban streets?

With headlines like: Police blitz on arrogant Sydney cyclists who push the law (Actual headline) or Cyclists making a fool of our bike laws (Again, actual headline) the framing of the Australian transport debate is downright irresponsible. These headlines are poking motorists in the chest and saying, "A cyclist is laughing at you RIGHT NOW - what are you gonna do about it?" as though all cyclists are deliberately provocative. As though Australian cyclists are not also (mostly) car drivers. As though getting on a bike is an act of deliberate douche-baggery rather than a mode of transport. When was the last time you saw the headline Police blitz on arrogant motorists who flout speed limits? Bad motorists and bad cyclists happen every day. I'm betting there's even a large crossover in that particular Venn diagram (Show me a dickhead on 2 wheels and I'll show you dickhead on 4). But even if a motorist breaks enough laws to warrant a headline, I'm also betting there was a lack of character judgement in that headline. And if the issue is a problem group of recurrent law breakers within the group of people designated as 'motorists', I'm betting the more likely headline is: Police accused of revenue raising through speeding fine blitz.

Just as irrelevant as the one above but at least it's not a stock-photo.

Look. People who deliberately 'push' road rules are all arrogant douche-bags in that moment, regardless of whether they're on rollerblades, bicycles or driving cars. Even if they are upstanding citizens in every other situation. That's because every single one of us believes that MY journey is more important, MY time is most precious and if I break the law it's because I HAD A GOOD REASON. See also: It was safer/I was tricked/I didn't have a choice. We're all to blame, not just George Orwell. The Australian specific problem is that we are so collectively in love with cars as an extension of ourselves (and ourselves are never wrong, remember) that we just don't view laws broken while driving as 'really' breaking the law. Ask your friends how many speeding fines they've had in their driving careers. Go ahead.

Do you see the problem? The question should not be 'How many speeding fines have you had?' it should be 'Have you ever had a speeding fine?' But we take it as given that motorists will break the law. And that it's sort of okay. I personally don't subscribe to that attitude but then I'm not a motorist so many would discount my opinion. "It was safer/I was tricked/I didn't have a choice," my driving friends and family say to me.  I don't know about driving but I'm sure I've heard that argument before. Perhaps being made by 'arrogant' cyclists? I don't think people on two wheels should ignore road rules. Even if prominent bicycle bloggers with books out sometimes do. I don't believe riding a bicycle is a renegade action that ought to be packed with danger and excitement and directly challenging larger vehicles for your 'right' to the road. So perhaps a cyclists party is exactly what we need. So long as they focus on integration rather than competition between modes of transport. It looks hopeful:

Omar Khalifa, who is launching the new political party, says “a motorist’s best friend is often a cyclist.” They ease congestion, lessen fuel demand and free up parking spaces. It’s irresponsible to promote bad feeling between motorists and cyclists. We need to co-exist harmoniously – no good can come of any campaign that seeks to do otherwise.

 Now that's the kind of sentiment I'd vote for.

Bicycling Twits.

Good news, everyone! Tasmanian bicycle advocacy organisation Bicycle Tasmania has started a Twitter account. Their 'handle' (sorry, I watched Hackers the other day) is @BicycleTasmania and so far they have burst onto the social media scene with this spectacularly exciting piece of bike advocacy:

I know you're exhilarated but try to remain calm.

It's almost as thrilling as their profile header and bio:

WOOO! YEEEAH!

But seriously, I'm glad they're making an effort and look forward to harassing them with direct complaints about people letting their dogs poo on the shared paths. It'll make a change from complaining directly to the Woolworths Twitter about how I can never find my favourite biscuits since they changed all their signage.

Democracy on Wheels.

Earlier this month we Australians lived the dream (or Libertarian's nightmare) of compulsory voting and headed to our local polling place for a federal election. As it was a pleasant early spring day, Ginger and I decided to bicycle - thus revealing to our fellow democracy unenthusiasts that we are Commie-Pinko Tree-hugging Bicycle-Riding Left-Wing Voters. Or so you'd be justified in believing.

Pictured: Lefty Posers exercising...their democratic rights, YEAH!

And you'd be mostly correct. But post election, the way bicycles are perceived in Oz may be about to change. Dramatically. And terribly. You see Australia is a nation as full of political apathy as we are beer and BBQs (mean average). We knew we didn't want the Current Guy anymore but beyond that decision it was collectively agreed that we didn't much care for anybody else either. So as a nation we turned, proud and strong and said, "So I guess you win?" to the Other Guy. And the Other Guy is this guy:

This Guy.

"Brilliant!" you might exclaim, "Sure he's a Roadie but he's a cyclist Prime Minister! This is a step towards a bicycle infrastructure renaissance, a cleaner and greener future, a serious look at where Australia's obsession with cars might cause problems down the track!"

But you'd be ignorant and foolish because This Guy is also:

This Guy.

And:

This Guy.

That's right. We didn't give the top job to a garden variety Roadie, we gave it to a TRIATHLETE. The only reason This Guy rides a bicycle is to prove how much faster he is than other guys. He has no interest in sustainable/alternative transport or bicycle infrastructure or even the environment. In fact he's only been in charge a matter of days and he's already dismantled Australia's climate commission. He's also promised to extend highways across the country and help mining companies expand into World Heritage Areas. This Guy doesn't care about cycling unless it can be used to win at things or prove how brave you are by riding with cars.

Although This Guy likes to affirm his masculinity by staging photo opportunities at all kinds of sporting events, unfortunately an iconic bike image encapsulating This Guy's general attitude and deliberately testosterone-centric world view emerged during the election campaign:

Yeah.

Added to all the other times he appeared on a bicycle, he is now inexorably tied to (road)cycling. This means that when This Guy inevitably upsets the country he will be remembered as 'That douche-hole on a bicycle' and contribute to the already swelling hatred of cyclists in Australia. I'm referring to the many Facebook groups about running over cyclists with your car (complete with actual photos from horrific crashes), the articles written by well known sports figures and journalists condemning cyclists for being cyclists and of course the general dominance of the automobile in the national psyche.

Worse still, due to the quirks of the Australian system we have managed to elect (albeit to a less important position than Prime Minister) a rogue private citizen running under the banner of 'The Motoring Enthusiasts Party'. Their entire policy platform is 'We like cars. But like car-liking people are a persecuted group and so you should just let us drive our cars through everywhere and on top of everything at whatever speed we please because CARS WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CARS?!'

So with these post-election problems in mind I'll be very surprised if the next three years deliver any positives to the bicycle users of Australia. But that's compulsory democracy for you.

For the Record: I am actually pro-compulsory voting. Take THAT, Libertarians.

Ring My Bell.

Until I became the owner of a Pashley Princess Sovereign, I'd never really thought about bicycle bells within any context other than practicality. A bell is just a bell, right? It warns people that you are behind them and that's that - or so I thought. Riding the Pashley showed me that your bell can actually have a significant influence on your ride quality and impact your mood.

As cyclists we all try (at least I'm pretending that is the case) to be courteous users of any shared paths we have the privilege of using. I know I'm not alone in feeling some minor dread when I see a pair of headphones in the ears of the person I am about to pass because it invariably means they will not hear my bell regardless of tone or volume. In those cases I always try to pass them a bit slowly and VERY predictably, hoping that their peripheral vision will sense movement in time for me not to startle them. For all other shared path traffic the bell is your first impression, a polite cough clearing the way for your dick-move: Overtaking.

You know how it goes: You wait until you're in hearing range, you ring your little bell, the person hears and then reacts. You pass, you thank them, they might have a facial expression about it, you might have a facial expression about their facial expression. Either way, the sound of your bell can soothe their inconvenience or enhance their annoyance and I did not realise just how much until I owned what is gloriously described as a 'Ding-Dong' bell.

Interpret this how you will but 'traditional' women's bikes are generally more likely to come with a bell included. Road bikes of course come with nothing (a massive oversight considering their potential speed) because the weight of a bell might add milliseconds to a Roadie's Strava. We all no doubt recall the bicycle bell of childhood, your basic 'Ring Ring' sound with mysterious rotating bits internally providing noise and eventually rusting to impotence. Since then bells have levelled up and you may purchase anything from the cheap Ring-Ring kind to crazy-pricey but elegant Japanese copper bells that sound like they should signal the end of an intensely expensive meditation retreat. Rather than the Ring-Ring variety, included bells on modern entry level bicycles now pretty much all look like the bell that came with my Schwinn Jenny:

It's a thumb strike style, no internal moving parts to get jammed like the bell on my childhood bicycle. You thumb down, the plastic bit strikes the metal and you get a trifling 'Ting Ting' of perfunctory politeness, like so:

Thus I never thought about the effect my bell was having on the mood of the people I was passing. Some smiled, some remained neutral but they didn't end up in my spokes so I was happy. Then I experienced the Pashley Ding-Dong bell:

The first time I took it out for a ride on a busy Perth shared path, I noticed two things. 1. It was a lot louder and clearer as an indicator of my presence so I could signal earlier and, 2. I received a marked increase in pleasantries from the strangers I was overtaking.

Astonishingly, a few people even THANKED ME as I passed. And I only had one tit out! It made my passage through the city so pleasant that I felt suffused with community spirit even after my journey ended. This happened over and over every time I was on the Pashley. Most uncharacteristically, I started to feel like a ray of sunshine every time I rang the bell. It was like having a magic wand to make everybody more amenable.

After the success of the ding-dong Pashley and after moving to Tasmania I was excited to find a similar bell in unique Latrobe situated gift shop, Reliquaire. Imagine if the cleanest, most organised hoarders in the world owned a delightful gift shop and let you go on treasure hunts through it - That is Reliquaire and all visitors to Tasmania should check it out. (You're welcome, Tasmanian Tourism.) Thinking it would be an excellent upgrade for the Jenny, I ponied up just under $30 for the splendid bell and looked forward to gracing my fellow humans with some ding-dong magic. (Not to be confused with 'Dong Magic', which I think is what Harry Potter was about?)

The German 'Liix' Ding-Dong.
Electra also make giant ding-dong bells.

And for the most part it worked just the same. People would hear the pleasant ring and I would be greeted with surprise and sometimes a smile or even a 'thank you'. But for some people, the bicycle bell is a declaration of war. I don't think of the bell as being primarily a car-horn substitute - after all, you don't honk your horn when overtaking. But halfway through writing this post I was forced for the first time to use my bell as an immediate warning to a stranger who consequently viewed it as an offensive act of aggression. It was a man I had noticed standing still just next to the start of a shared path, staring intently at his phone. Suddenly, without looking up he stepped out 90 degrees to the flow of people and bicycles, timed perfectly to collide with my moving front wheel. I was startled and had a split second to react - reflexively, I almost braked but stopped myself as it would have created a different collision involving me and a car. Meanwhile, my thumb made it to the bell trigger even as my mouth opened to exclaim an, "Oh!" of warning/surprise. I hated to shock him but I hated even more to risk breaking his toes. His peripheral vision was alerted when we were about 2 inches apart and he looked up just as my lovely new bell was ding-donging (I could not un-press it at that point), stopping just in time to avoid my bike and for my bike to avoid larger prey. But from his point of view his awareness happening a microsecond before the bell meant I should not have used it and he shouted, "You don't have to ring your bell AT me!"

Actually, Dude. This one time? I think I do.

If You Bike It, They Will Spend?

Despite being a Bicycle Backwater, the internet ensures that it doesn't take long for trends to filter through to Australia. We've suffered the same waves of fixies and tweed rides as everyone else which is why I was surprised that it's only in the last 12 months I've started seeing bicycles in retail marketing. I'm not counting the plethora of 'put a bike on it' merchandise in home-wares stores, that's been around for as long as we've been printing squirrels and birds on cushions; I'm talking about bicycles in shop windows. In my own microcosm of Northern Tasmania I have seen three separate shop windows featuring bicycles. It may not sound like many but statistically it's astonishing. Obviously the 'young, surburban cyclist' is officially a target market but if these displays are any indication that market is firmly defined as 'leisure' rather than 'transport'. Retailers here want to capture those cycling dollars but still do not see bicycles as anything other than toys. Regardless, it pleased me to see them because it's a step in the right direction.

Here's my 'Bikes in Shop Windows' collection thus far:

I saw this pedal-free budget respray in the window of an Optician, heralding the start of spring. I wondered if it was in basic working order and waiting to be a project or if it was on its way to the local tip. Though an optician is usually a gender neutral environment this bike was clearly there to symbolise GIRLY FUN and play on images of youthful femininity while appealing to the 'retro cool' Hipsterette (hence the brightly coloured, plastic cat-eye frames). Florals! Spring sunshine! BUY GLASSES! You're already a four-eyed outcast, why not be universally hated and get on a bicycle?!

The second one is a bit hard to make out, being so draped and surrounded by branded attire. This was a clothing shop for young men and teenage boys so the inclusion of something so potentially dorky as a beach cruiser along with the Adidas is in many ways remarkable. When you break it down, though - it's another point in the 'Bikes are toys for the idle middle-classes' column. The branded clothes are firmly targeting youth with a parentally-provided clothing budget and offering the kind of bland street cred all middle-class teenagers crave. After all, what kind of male would be aimlessly riding an upright bicycle while wearing regular clothes? One who cares a lot about 'kicks' and is not yet old enough to drive, of course!

The third one is most recent and most promising for what it says about the changing perception of bicycles. This is the current window of a nation-wide clothing and 'outdoor lifestyle' brand retailer, Rivers. Rivers mostly sells casual clothing and footwear for all ages but their brand image is based around the Australian love of the outdoors so you can also buy more utilitarian clothing, backpacks, picnic blankets, wellington boots and other outdoor accessories. A huge part of their brand is about quality tested goods at accessible prices so Rivers advertising material is deliberately 'budget' in style, proclaiming they spend their money on manufacturing rather than marketing. This window display is actually a Rivers Clearance shop - a much larger and less formal set-up than their shopping centre retail presence (which is still quite informal and not costly). The most interesting thing about this bicycle is that it is actually FOR SALE. Previously I had seen a Rivers branded bike in my local WA store but it was only for display. Not to mention a hideously ugly mountain bike with gun metal grey, huge decals and a 'sliced through' suspended seat post. This bicycle looks like a genuine effort to sell, the frame appears unisex and branding is practically invisible. There's even a range of 'Hike and Bike' clothing on offer. Although only for men…sigh. Of course, Rivers is not a bicycle shop so the bike comes in bits and requires professional intervention. I don't know how much it costs or anything about the quality. It's still a shop window bicycle being positioned primarily as a 'leisure' device but it's nice to see that leisure device aimed at a wide market in a regional area.

Bike Hour.

You've heard of Earth Hour, where all around the globe people switch off electrical things for an hour to increase mindfulness about the way we consume resources - But have you heard of Bike Hour?

Probably not. Maybe. I only just learned of it myself, fortunately in time to participate later this month. Bike Hour was born in Australia, in fact it was created by a resident of my own recently adopted little island. It is to be conducted twice every year at the equinox so the next one is due on March 20th and if you want to join in you should be on a bicycle between 6 and 7pm.

"What the fuck is this Bike Hour shit anyway?", I hear you politely enquire as you are possibly also an uncouth Antipodean like myself. The full history can be found on the cycle-space blog (a fascinating exploration of bicycles and urban planning) but the notion of Bike Hour is something rather different from the familiar organised rides. If you are expecting to be bolstered en masse by whackily dressed (or undressed) fellow cyclists or Hippie political enthusiasts, you will be disappointed. What Bike Hour aims to achieve is awareness through free and semi-quiet enjoyment rather than annoyance or spectacle.

Bike Hour longs to get all the neglected bikes in all the sheds and all the spare bedrooms out onto the streets and pavements for a no-good-reason-joy-ride to where ever the hell you want or need to go, Just Because. Bike Hour knows that statistically quite a lot of us have purchased a bicycle but also that a lot of us don't really ride them. Bike Hour just wants you to ride your bicycle because you like the idea of riding your bicycle and it is giving you permission to do so in the manner entirely of your choosing. You can dress up like an olde-timey person and bust out the penny farthing. You can slide your sweaty testicles into their lycra prison and improve your Strava ranking. You can commute home if your work hours coincide. You can not change your clothes and just get out into the neighbourhood. If you really can't stand the thought of a world without structure you can even put on a little Bike Hour party for your bicycling friends or organise a community event or group ride, the website has posters to download but the important thing is that you don't have to do anything but the bare minimum which is to use a bicycle for an hour.

Sometimes I use my bicycle to see new places.

Sometimes I use my bicycle as an excuse to eat chips.
Hence the fat bottom.

Bike Hour simply posits that it might be nice if we all went for a ride at the same time without having the same destination. So that maybe people in cars who are watching you glide past or people sitting at cafés who are watching you cruise up to the coffee counter or people walking around on their feet seeing a completely ordinary person like you roll by wonder to themselves, "What the fuck is up with suddenly all of these bikes?" because they are possibly grammatically questionable, vulgar residents of far-flung former colonies too. And then later perhaps they will think about the bicycle they have in their own shed or remember the bicycle they had in their youth and wonder if maybe they too can ride one somewhere for some reason at some time. Hopefully not just on the equinox.

Bike Hour belongs to us all and you are encouraged to spread
the word with free access to promotional materials.
Or not. Do what you like.

Evandale National Penny Farthing Championships

Sympathetically preserved in an enclave about 5kms beyond Launceston Airport sits the heritage village of Evandale, Tasmania. Evandale would already be unique in Australia for its wealth of historic architecture, traditional English village layout and general lack of glaring modernity, but for pedalling fools the charm of Evandale runs even deeper: The entire village is permanently dedicated to Penny Farthing Bicycles. The businesses feature Penny Farthings, some are named after Penny Farthings, there is even a statue of a man with a Penny Farthing in the centre of town and every summer for the last 30 years, the Penny Farthing passion reaches fever pitch in the form of the Championship Races.

This might seem a bizarre thing for an entire village to fixate upon but Tasmania actually has a rich history of cycling enthusiasts dating back to the days when Penny Farthings were simply known as bicycles, being the first kind ever mass produced. People have long toured the state by bicycle and the first Cycling Club was formed in 1884. So many old bicycles are preserved in various museums around the state, it's all the more sad that much bicycle love was forgotten with the universal adopting of cars. The way bicycles are now spoken of in nuisance terms, you would be forgiven for thinking Tasmania had never cultivated an affection for people powered transportation. Fortunately, those who cherish the history also delight in creating traditions, so the Evandale race was born in 1983. It is officially the largest Penny Farthing race in the world and though it is called the 'National Championships' it attracts international interest.

The lovely buildings of Evandale make a congruous backdrop for the bicycles and along with enthusiastically costumed locals the whole event has an air of time travel. If you ignore the smattering of Lycra and helmets you can catch a very convincing glimpse of the past. The village fair happens in tandem on a central village green, the race itself circles the main streets of town and the entire hub is roped off, requiring an entry fee. For your $12 ($10 for Pensioners) you get a programme and access to the heart of Evandale with the fair, the race route lined with hay bales and safety bunting, ocassional Morris Dancers, human statues, singers and of course other bicycle race spectators. Expect an attractive mash of anachronism and a profusion of hats and you will not be disappointed.

Being just under a two hour drive from the North West coast, we did not arrive early in Evandale and thus missed the more parade-like parts of the day but with 20 Penny Farthing events there was still plenty to see. We saw the tail end of the obstacle race, there were other fun-themed races including a relay and a slow race. There was even a 20 Mile race the next day. We were lucky enough to see a lot of championship events, the necessity of the hay bales becoming apparent once we witnessed the speed and cornering lean of the riders. A crash even made the front page of one of Tasmania's papers, looking at the photographs later I had to agree that face first into a bale of hay is certainly preferable to face first into bitumen. Especially from such a height. Fortunately, the only injury was pride.

The Championships were divided by age, with almost every stage of life accounted for. There were junior races for children, general up to 50 and veteran's races divided by decade right up to the over 70s. The over 70s were counselled by the compère to take it easy. I had slowly made my way round the course during the different races and by the time the 70+ veterans raced I was at the halfway point of the loop, out of sight of most of the crowd and officials. I may have witnessed some defiant bursts of speed and general bad-assery. It was pretty fucking great. My other personal highlights included watching riders mount up at the start of each race, seeing the pushing off action required to begin momentum and the end of each race when they washed off speed on the stretch of empty road past the finish line. I particularly appreciated when people took their feet off the pedals and became beacons of pure joy. I will definitely be attending future championships for as long as I have the privilege of living in Tasmania. May the Penny Farthings reign over Evandale for decades to come!

Bad Assssssss.

Scody Tour of Tasmania (With bicycle theft.)

Last weekend provided a treat for both North West Tasmanian bicycle enthusiasts and those enthusiastic about stealing bicycles. The 2012 Scody Tour of Tasmania ran from Hobart upwards including climbs up Mt Wellington, being thwarted by unusually wild winds and snow near Launceston and finally last Thursday it reached the north coast, colliding with the good citizens of Devonport. It was here that Queensland Gold-coast based outfit, 'Team Downunder' had two competition bicycles stolen after leaving them locked in their trailer overnight, amounting to a loss of about AU$26,000 and ending with one rider completely pulling out of the tour. As the news coverage suggested, it will be a hard task for the culprit to either ride or sell such equipment within Tasmania. Despite the presence of tours and roadies, being a bicycle backwater means there's not many $9000 Avanti Quantums with $1700 Garmon computers and $2500 wheels cruising the streets of the North West coast or indeed the state.

Tasmanian cyclist Ben Grenda lines up.
(He won the Burnie stage!)

Those unaffected continued across to Burnie on Saturday via Ulverstone on Friday, doing a 30 lap criterion around an 800m circuit of Burnie CBD before setting off back to Devonport for the big finish. Plebs who fancied cycling on the closed roads could pay $99 for the privilege and tag along as part of the 'Tour de Burnie Corporate Ride', like the annoying little brother of the main tour. On Saturday, Ginger walked into town to view proceedings, wondering why they had elected to set up the presentation podium outside the ugliest building in Burnie rather than the beach directly in front of said ugly building. He said there were about 100 people spectating and he phone-captured the general malaise for posterity. To be fair, the weather had taken a turn for the dour despite being Spring.

Clouds roll in by the beach.

Starting positions.

Rub and tug by the beach.

Praties is a fast food shop that sells baked potatoes with your choice of toppings.
Seriously.

The embarrassing Burnie clipart logo.

The ugliest building in Burnie.

Later, I dragged my fat bottom out of bed and we walked to a bottle-neck on Bass Highway outside one of our favourite cafés and stood waiting for three minutes until I managed to take four entire pictures of the tour as it left town. With a hit rate of 1 passable picture to 3 terrible pictures, I felt satisfied with my work and walked the 10 metres inside to buy an iced coffee and some macarons. Bicycle spectating is hard work.

An insult to bicycle race photography.

(Ginger's camera work.)

Killing Us Softly.

It was with no small share of vested interest that I clicked upon the link for 'How Not to Kill a Cyclist', thinking that approaching the issue from the car driver's worst case scenario might be a great way to advance the discourse on sharing the road. I was immediately disappointed. Amongst a lot of sensible remarks I was confronted by what I think is a very unhelpful addition to the mêlée,

"…there are also many things bike riders would like drivers to know… that “cyclists” and “pedestrians on bicycles” are two distinct groups, or that we know we look ridiculous in bike shorts.…"
(Emphasis mine, obviously. And you certainly do.)

 Later in the article, the author goes on to describe what he probably considers 'real' cyclists, as

"…travelling at a high velocity, and chock full o’ adrenaline…"

and so that is why you shouldn't randomly honk your horn at them out of pure annoyance. Not because it's discourteous, an abuse of the horn and generally a dick-move to make loud noises in public spaces - but because 'real' cyclists are constantly in a 'fight or flight' mode and might bolt from their state of cat-like readiness into oncoming traffic!

Here's the thing about Real Cyclists™ Vs 'Pedestrians on bicycles': As somebody who has spent her entire life at leisure to observe the driving style of friends, family and strangers without a layer of personal ideology for what I think is the 'correct' way to drive (i.e "Exactly how I would do it," as most drivers think) I can tell you that a large portion of car drivers are 'Pedestrians in Cars'. They don't really 'understand' their vehicle and its consequences, they use speed limits as a vague guide, they don't ever consider that they might be at fault, they text or phone or do their make-up or read maps or try to drink scalding hot coffee or smoke or do any manner of things inside their car that in an ideal world would be confined to their lounge rooms. Even drivers who are not spilling lattes on their groins can be unpredictable 'Pedestrians in cars', darting about in a way that does not technically break the law but makes the road more dangerous for everyone around them. Why? Because they are not professional car drivers. Nor do the majority of them drive cars as a sport or take a defensive driving course or learn how to drive as a fleet. They scrape through their driving test and then THAT'S IT FOR LIFE. Now we are supposed to classify them as 'Real' drivers, even if they spend their entire career on the road failing to advance their skills or increase their confidence and racking up speeding fines because they believe that breaking the law in their car somehow 'doesn't count'. So how do other drivers, how would a professional or top amateur racer treat these, the weaker of their brethren? How would current Formula One World Champion Sebastian Vettel, a man who is such a 'Real Driver' that people pay him to do it, treat YOU and your lack of equal skill on the road? Would he tell other road users that you are the cause of all driving related problems? Would he burn rubber rings around you as he passed you on the freeway? No. He would take you and the varying style of people around him into account.

A cyclist does not have to be speed matching the average car, wearing lycra or "chock full o’ adrenaline" to obey the rules of the road and cycle courteously anymore than weaker drivers have to sit on the speed limit and drive aggressively to be acceptable to other car drivers. What we all have to do is be predictable as possible and make sure everybody knows the rules. If you drive a car, you should already be able to transfer those rules across to cycling and indeed, the majority of cyclists are actually 'drivers' first, cyclists second. It's rare to find somebody who is pure pedestrian/cyclist so the idea that a pedestrian mindset is to blame becomes even less relevant to the debate. To be fair, the article spoke about predictability and cars following the rules as usual when a cyclist is near - but the testosterone fueled 'us and them' mentality hidden within that casual quote is actively damaging to our transport evolution. Ultimately, all cyclists are only as safe as the largest vehicles around them. Yes, the occasional impatient car driver will spend their entire time complaining that not everyone is as fast or nimble as they - heck, they'll probably even honk their horn at other road users as they overtake and then speed off to get to the next red light before everyone else. But does the civilised transport world cater exclusively to the 'Professionals'? Or are we all just trying to get somewhere in one piece?

In the end, the only kind of pedestrians we should worry about? Every single person we see, regardless of what they're driving or riding. We were all born with squashy pedestrian bodies and fragile pedestrian skulls and it doesn't matter how good we are at pretending to be invincible.

But What About Helmets?

Australian law requires cyclists to wear a helmet. So I wear a helmet.

The end.